Let’s Talk About Brothers And Respect …

Yep, I’m another one of those girls with a heap of brothers! Today, I want to talk about respect .. respecting our siblings, and helping them to learn to respect us. My brothers are fun-loving, mischievous, loud scamps who drive me crazy, but they love me and show their love by respecting my personal space and my opinions. I have a brother who is very close to me in age, and he is one of my best friends! As a teen, he has begun to mature in ways that amaze me. Not only does he respect me, he has also protected my heart, protected my body, and kept my secrets. Not every girl is so blessed as I am.

Thoughtless comments, rough physical touch, ridiculing, teasing, bugging on purpose … how does any sibling, and child of God, deserve to be treated this way? Some brothers treat their sisters with carelessness, not with care. These brothers might not bad guys – they just have a bad habit of treating their sister with less respect than she deserves, not only as their sister, but as a woman, as a daughter of God.

This makes me wonder … why do brothers fail to respect their sisters? I understand occasional kind-hearted teasing, (goodness knows, my brothers have dished out their fair share often enough!), but what about when it becomes an epidemic of unkind words and actions? What drives young men to treat their sisters this way?

I’ve learned that for some boys, they don’t feel like their sister deserves respect. They feel that she is a baby, or that she’s mean to them, so why should they be nice to her? They might have bad examples in their parents, who treat their daughter with less care than they should. Or, they might feel that they don’t measure up to their sister, and the only way to deal with their bitterness is to act out of it, rather than releasing it. Whatever the reason, our brothers need to understand that respect is not necessarily deserved (because of course we will fail and disrespect them sometimes) but respect is something that you give freely, like love.

We love because Christ first loved us – so why don’t we respect our siblings the way Christ treats His brothers and sisters in the faith?

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Another thing that we girls need to realize is that, although we may crave our brother’s respect and kindness, we may be making it difficult for them by treating THEM unkindly. In the same way that girls can show kindness to our guyfriends by dressing in a way that does not provoke them to immoral thoughts, so we should act in a way that makes it easier for our brothers to love us back.

• We need to respect THEM first. Although there is no excuse for our brothers to disrespect us simply because we disrespect them, we cannot expect a major life change to occur in their hearts unless WE change first. Maybe your brother will change on his own, but as an older sister, I can tell you that our brothers will, to a certain degree, mirror our actions. Respecting them is a great way to show them the kind of respect we want.
• Our brothers are the men of tomorrow. If these young men don’t learn to respect us as their family and the people they live with, then what kind of respect will they have for their wives, sister-in-laws, and even their own daughters? I’m not saying that their fate rests on your (and my) shoulders alone, but I am saying that we can be the change in their lives. Encouraging them to respect us in their words and actions will prepare them for the day they realize that their wife wants to be respected too.
• Even though it hurts to be disrespected, you must know that you’re not in this alone. Your parents are the ultimate enforcers in your house. If the situation has come to a place where the line has been crossed between simple teasing and ridiculing, then don’t be afraid to ask your parents for their advice, or ask your dad to talk to your brother. Communicate clearly with them that you love your brother, that his disrespect makes it difficult to respect him back, and that his attitude hurts you. Not every brother is man enough to take it humbly, and to actually change the way he relates to you, but some WILL own that responsibility.
• Don’t forget to PRAY. If you’re a sister waiting for your brother’s heart to change towards you, don’t wait without doing anything. Pray that God would touch his heart and his responses towards you. God can do anything, even fix your relationship with your brother, so don’t be afraid to bend the knee every once in a while to seek his help in mending the fences.

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And to those of you guys who are reading? Please, please, examine your heart, thoughts, and actions. Are you respecting your sister? Or are you putting her down? She doesn’t need to DESERVE your respect. But if you truly believe that all of us matter to God, then you need to treat your sister like you love her with GOD’S love. And who knows? Maybe she will blossom under your affirmation. And maybe not. But no matter what happens, are you man enough to respect your sister like you will have to respect your wife someday?

And while you’re at it, love them. Help them. Protect them. Serve them. Know that your actions are being seen, not only by those who will come into your future someday, but also by the One Who holds your future in His hands.

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Well, sisters, you should know that my heart hurts for those of you who have been hurt by a brother’s disrespect. When my brothers disrespect me, I feel abandoned and rejected, because I want a loving relationship. So I understand what you feel like. Please don’t be afraid to take steps to love and respect them, even if they continue to hurt you. In the end, we are to love our enemies. You’re brother might not be your enemy, but the principle remains; to love all, even those who don’t love you back.

And if you have friends who get disrespected by their brothers … let’s protect them, shall we? Let’s stand up for them. Because, even if nothing changes in their lives, we have a responsibility to love the unloved and respect the unrespected. And once we do that, one thing will for sure happen – you will be a voice of hope and change in your friend’s life.

What I’ve Learned Since Turning 16 …. (part 1.)

A few months ago … I turned 16!

I actually didn’t want to turn 16.

All my life, I’ve been dying to be older, but as I’ve actually attained those ages that were so eagerly anticipated, I’ve realized that with the perks and the privileges come a ton of responsibilities too. Now, I’m scared to be older, because that means that I have to make some big decisions about my future, who I am and who I want to be, what work I want to do, and what people I want to be around. It means remodeling my life, and it’s a really scary and uncomfortable phase.

I have all these expectations of what I’d like my life to look like, but I know that YHVH’s plan is the only plan. When I can’t see His plan, I get scared and either want to shrink and hide, or take control of my life. I’m uncomfortable in a transition phase, because I don’t feel secure.

Okay, so none of you ever knew. Even if you know me personally, you would never have described me as someone who wants to shrink into a corner. You would have described me as a ‘go-getter’, a smart student, quick-thinking, creative, athletic, studious, fun-loving, confident enough to strike up a conversation with anyone regardless of their age or gender. A soak-up-info-like-a-sponge girl, a romantic, a musician. (I’m serious! People would definitely describe me this way!)

But sometimes, the people who look the most put-together and in-control, are the most insecure. We put pressure on ourselves to be as awesome as everyone thinks we are, sometimes to be even better! As an oldest child, with a competitiveness inherited from both my parents, my mindset is “finish it fast, first, and better than ever before!”

But it gets exhausting, and when I can’t do it, I wonder what’s wrong with me.

But the truth is, I don’t HAVE to be better.

I just have to do my best. Waiting, patiently, for YHVH’s plan. (Did I mention I’m not very patient?) But we don’t have to become patient people to wait. We just have to become trusting people.

What I have learned throughout the year …

1. You don’t have to do it all.

I have really high ambitions for myself and I worry about if I’ll graduate on time, will I be able to get into a college if I want to, am I smart enough to make a living, am I secure and strong enough to live alone … but my Dad advised me to just take it one step at a time. You can’t get to square three without starting on square one.

And yes, I’m still ambitious! I want to play volleyball and do calligraphy and make vision boards and complete all the math curriculum possible and write songs and go on morning runs and redo my room and make money and workout … just see my bucket list!! But those things don’t have to take first place.

First place belongs to the things that are REALLY important.

2. Honor the people you live with.

I know it seems like your family understands you and can put up with you when you get annoying, but recently I’ve had to ask my family’s forgiveness a lot for being, as two of my brothers put it, cranky. (A most glamorous epithet for a contemporary teen girl, I know! *facepalm*)

My relationship with my Dad is so close. He is my protector against the world. He deserves my trust because he has proven himself to be a man after God’s own heart. I trust him so much … even when I disagree with him, I respect him because I know he only wants the very best for me. I’m so thankful for his presence in my life, providing for me, giving me all sorts of wisdom and advice, and leading our family in a strong walk of faith with God and in ministry to a huge sector of people.

My Mom and I have the relationship every girl has with her mom – we’ve had all the long talks about fashion, boys, and the future. But that’s not the only way my Mom helps me … she works so hard to make great food, cooking, baking, gardening, drying, preserving, and canning. She takes me to piano lessons. She takes me to my friends’ houses. She has my friends over! She goes shopping with me. When my acne was bad, she literally did everything she could to help me with it. She has a great faith that gets her up in bed every morning to read the Bible and pray for hours. My Mom is Superwoman.

My parents are a team. And they love me together.

But parents aren’t the only ones who deserve respect …. Anyone got siblings? 😂

There are so many reasons to be kind to your siblings. As an oldest child, I frequently have problems suppressing my sisterly urge to tell my three brothers what to do … hehe. When I do it, it obviously doesn’t go over well. I’ve seen so many girls that have horrible relationships with their brothers (or sisters!) And I don’t have any experience with sisters (because I don’t have any), but I have a brother who is 17 months younger than me and we are best friends. I’m not kidding.

My relationship with my brother is so close and wonderful! We can tell each other anything. He is great at so many things and we share our knowledge and ideas and struggles.

Neither of us are perfect siblings, and we do get mad at each other sometimes, but our relationship is so strong that we can easily forgive and forget. I get so sad when I see brothers and sisters snapping at each other, or laughing when the other person has their feelings hurt. This is not the way it should be! We should be loving and caring, helping each other along in Christ, helping each other to become better and encouraging each other!

Something to think about …. Someday you may like someone in a special way. You need to realize that the way a girl treats her brother is the way she’ll treat her husband. The way a guy treats his sister is the way he’ll treat his wife. And trust me, people know this. When I see a boy who mistreats his sister, not only am I saddened, but that means that the boy has lost a ton of estimation in my eyes because … if he treats his sister in that way …. Then how will he treat his wife?

3. It’s not about Me – it’s about Him. (God)

Every year, me and a bunch of other families rent a whole camp and stay there a week, staying up late, having shared meals, and studying the Bible. This year, it’s going to look a lot different. I’ve been struggling with that a lot and wishing that we could do what we always do. I selfishly want this, I want that ….

But it’s not about me. The reason we DO this campout is FOR GOD. And this applies to everything in our lives! Whatever you do, do it for the glory of GOD.

It’s not about me; it’s about Him.

4. Boundaries mean nothing if you don’t have the right motive.

How close is too close to get to a guy? Can you hold hands? Can you be alone together? The Bible doesn’t say anything about “just friends” or “hanging out” or “dating”, so how do we know what to do?

The fact that some people ask this is a dead giveaway that they want to get as close to the line as they can, without “actually” sinning. Or, some people might be just genuinely wondering. I’ll assume I’m talking to the second audience, because if you belong to the first audience, you shouldn’t be here. You should be on your knees with your Bible open.

*Anyway* To address the issue, here are a few verses that are important to remember :

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:30-31, NKJV (emphasis mine)

(Treat others the way you would want to be loved. If another teen were in love with you but they didn’t respect your boundaries or tried to accelerate your relationship beyond what you were comfortable with, that wouldn’t be a loving act, would it?)

Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.

1 Timothy 5:1-2, NKJV (emphasis mine)

(I get that the context is about exhortation versus rebukes, but it also highlights the way we are to relate to the sexes in even the most tense and highly emotional situations – as brothers and sisters. Maybe not the way we normally relate to our siblings (since many of us are prone to failure in that regard,) but if you think about just how platonic and caring your relationship with your siblings should be, it presents a much clearer picture of how to relate to others “in all purity”.)

5. It’s not enough to just talk the talk – it’s not enough to just walk the walk – you have to LIVE the LIFE.

I found this truth buried in a heap of missed bible readings and ever-piling workouts. Yep. In plainer terms: I was so busy trying to build myself physically, that I forgot about building myself up spiritually. I constantly have to remind myself to go and DO things – not because they gain my salvation, but because of my salvation! If you have a light, shine it!

6. Appearances are deceiving …

Let’s be honest: when was the last time you saw someone with a zit and thought “Man, they look SO ugly today. If they didn’t have that zit, they would look SO much better.” Nobody thinks that! The truth is, we are much harder on ourselves and our appearances than anyone else is. Most people don’t even care what you look like! And yet, that truth is so hard to grasp.

What really matters is what’s going on in the inside. The most gorgeous girl can appear ugly if she is rude, shallow in character, or obnoxious. I’d rather spend my time in the pursuit of spiritual beauty, than wake up one day with the acne gone, but spiritually empty.

(All that being said, sometimes we think we suffer more than anyone else appearance-wise. But guess what – everyone thinks that! I don’t know a single person who has not been insecure about something at one time or another. So, although they may look like they’re fine on the outside, they may not be doing so good on the inside. So – let’s be sensitive to the unspoken insecurities of others, and build each other up.)

7. Just DO The Hard Thing.

You know when you have a dream, but having that dream means you’re going to have to do things that are either impossible, very difficult, or take a long time? When faced with the realities of a dream, I often give up, telling myself it isn’t worth it to me. But what if it truly IS worth it? Then you’ve missed out … Big time.

Don’t go in headfirst, without knowing how deep the bottom is. First measure the depth, then dive in … immediately! Before you have a chance to lose your nerve … or worse, let the dream slowly slip away.

8. Age is just a number.

I spent many years practically wishing away my life so that I could be 16, or 17, or 18. Then, finally, I neared my 16th birthday, and for the first time in my life, I wasn’t excited. Because I’ve finally realized how fast time flies.

Life slips away so fast that we don’t realize when we are wasting our life. And dreaming away our lives, til the day we can drive; til the day we can date; til the day we can graduate high school; til the day we can go to college and blast the socks off our teachers; til the day we can get married; til the day when we *finally* have our dream body; we could waste our whole lives dreaming in this way, never stopping to enjoy the amazing benefits of right now.

Please, don’t wish the years away like I did. Age is just a number, but the years of your life are a blessing. Enjoy them while you have them! They will be gone before you know it.

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Alright everyone, I hope you enjoyed these and that they were a blessing to you! Which one spoke to you the most? What’s one thing (or two, or three …) that you’ve learned in the past year?

(I’ll post a second part, as a series, sometimes in the future. No plans as to when, though!)

The Pharisees vs. the Apostles

The Pharisees were a religious sect within Judaism who believed in the deity of Yahovah and in the Torah (which is found in the first five books of the Bible) and the prophetic books. They also adhered to a strict set of laws that were not a part of the Mosaic law, referred to as the “Oral Law”, just for classification purposes. The term “oral law” is not found in the Bible, but it is the term believers use to refer to the strict customs and rituals that the Pharisees believed were essential to a righteous life.

Therein lies one difference between the apostles and the Pharisees: their respective adherence (or lack thereof!) to the Torah and/or the traditions of men. The Pharisees were Jews who did not believe in the salvation though Jesus. The apostles were Jews who did believe in salvation through Jesus! Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their traditions, not because traditions are bad, but because the religious leaders required others to keep them as well; thus, adding to the law.

“And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!” Mark 7:9, NIV

“Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the LORD your God that I give you.” Deuteronomy 4:2, NIV

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” Mathew 5:17-20, NIV

This brings me to my second point, which is regarding the deity of Jesus. When one makes the decision to live their life for Jesus, it is changed forever. Those changes include acknowledging Jesus as Savior and the only way to be saved from eternal death.

The changes also include a free personal decision to obey Him, as he desires us to obey Him. One of the ways we obey Him is by following the Law He commanded us to obey, but remembering not to add to or take away from those Words of the Law (Mathew 5.)

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One of the main differences between this essay and the one on Yeshua and Pharisees, is that Yeshua claimed to be the Messiah, but he claimed it quietly. As far as we can read in the gospels of Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John, Yeshua wanted with everything in Him to share His message, but only with those who would receive it.

“He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. Mathew 10:40, NKJV

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” Mathew 11:15, NKJV

However, not only did the disciples and apostles believe in the deity of Yeshua, they preached it! Repeatedly! To everyone! Although Yeshua was a public figure in His time, his apostles were 12 times the punch with a lot more disclosure.

“being greatly disturbed that they taught the people and preached in Jesus the resurrection from the dead.” Acts 4:2, NKJV

Conclusion…

The first point of argument between Yeshua and the Pharisees was the law; whether to add to and take away from it, or to obey it as it was commanded in the Bible. Yeshua’s opinion was the right opinion.

The second point of argument between Yeshua and the Pharisees was the deity of Yeshua. Yeshua said He was the Son of God, and the Pharisees said it was untrue and that Yeshua was a heretic. The Pharisees were wrong and Yeshua was right.

Modern Christians will tell you that all you need to do to be in right standing with God is to have faith in Jesus. They may tell you that you don’t need to even try to obey the Law, since you couldn’t do it perfectly anyway, and they may tell you “grace paid it all.” I tell you – show me where it says that “grace” is an offering you can hand back to God as a thank-you-note for saving you, instead of repenting and turning from the sin in your life that made Christ have to die in the first place.

My point is, you cannot have faith in Yeshua and say that you love Him without showing Him that you love him. In the end times, it won’t matter how many times you’ve taken advantage of the “free gift of grace”, but how you choose to act in accordance with the terms of the covenant. You need faith – and you need obedience too.

“And the dragon was enraged with the woman, and he went to make war with the rest of her offspring, who keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.” Revelations 12:17, NKJV

Thanks for reading!

Makayla